If you are reading this article, you most likely have experienced a hurtful situation in church. Church hurt is especially painful for multiple reasons. This article will address different sources of offense and how to navigate through the experience victoriously.
Whether you were raised in Church or started later in life, you will eventually deal with offenses. The source of the offense may exacerbate your negative reaction and difficulty in overcoming the level of hurt or betrayal you’ve experienced but your faith can still remain intact if you understand God has not failed you.
God hasn’t let you down. He chooses to love and forgives us but does not control our actions or the actions of others. We, as fallible human beings, hurt one another.
That’s why the Bible clearly guides us with scripture about our carnal nature and how to walk in the spirit to avoid committing sin and offending one another.
“Now the deeds of the flesh are evident, which are: immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissensions, factions, envying, drunkenness, carousing, and things like these, of which I forewarn you, just as I have forewarned you, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.
Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.
If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit….” (Galatians 5:19-25 KJV)
We are all sinful and will have to choose how we live, either in the spirit or carnally. Unfortunately, we aren’t made perfect the moment we repent but have to choose to walk in the likeness of Jesus Christ. We must crucify the flesh!
Paul said he had to die daily! That means he had to repent daily of his human attitudes and actions. If the author of over two-thirds of the New Testament had to repent of his carnality and submit his flesh to spiritual control, so do we.
When I came to God I thought I would never experience the same hurt I had left in the world.
Before I was saved, I experienced physical, emotional, and sexual abuse. I thought the Church was a safe haven from all of that but I soon found out that there are hurtful, carnal, self-serving people in the Church as well.
After all, the Church is full of hurting people in God’s redemption plan.
“Instead, you yourselves cheat and do wrong, even against your own brothers!
Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who submit to or perform homosexual acts,
nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor verbal abusers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God.
And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified, in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.…”
(2 Corinthians 6: 8-11) Berean Standard Bible
This scripture declares we brought many problems into the Church but the grace of God has given us the power to become the Sons of God, washed, sanctified, and justified!
We should be walking in the newness of life having crucified the old man but not everyone allows the nature of Christ to dwell within them. The result is carnal Christians hurting and offending one another.
The Bible explicitly tells us that if we love him, we will keep his commandments! We are also commanded to love one another, forgiving one another even as Christ forgave us.
God has not hurt you!
He came as a man and personally experienced all the hate and offense that we could dish out but still chose to forgive us and bear our penalty of sin on Calvary.
We are ignorant of what the scriptures really say about living for Jesus. We have been led to believe cunningly devised fables about salvation and are perishing from lack of knowledge!
We are in a spiritual battle with real spiritual enemies! I am not looking for a devil behind every bush but we do have to be aware of his devices!
“For though we live in the flesh, we do not wage war according to the flesh.
The weapons of our warfare are not the weapons of the world. Instead, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.
We tear down arguments and every presumption set up against the knowledge of God; and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ…”(2 Corinthians 10:3-5)
We must be transformed by the renewing of our mind, taking on the mind of Christ. Jesus humbled himself as a man. He became obedient to the will of God, even to Calvary. He prayed as a man “Not my will but thine be done!”
As long as Christianity is shaped according to personal preference rather than adherence to fundamental Biblical teaching, we will transgress against each other.
Injustices and offense will continue to destroy the credibility of the Church and cause wounds within its members.
The devil is an accuser and a deceiver who works tirelessly to bring division and offense into the Church. His best weapon is manipulation of the human emotions, coupled with lies and discouragement.
He takes advantage of our human nature to divide and position us one against another to destroy the effectiveness of Christ in our lives.
“The entire law is fulfilled in a single decree: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”
But if you keep on biting and devouring one another, watch out, or you will be consumed by one another.
So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.…” (Galatians 5:14-16)
The desire of the flesh as stated previously;
“Immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissensions, factions, envying, drunkenness, carousing, and things like these,”
Questions to ask yourself:
Which of these traits does the offense you experienced fall under?
How many of these traits have you been guilty of?
What do you want in retribution?
What would you hope for if you have perpetrated any of these traits against another person?
Bro. Wayne Trout, UPCI, stated, “When one seeks revenge, they dig two graves!”
There are many offenses that can be eliminated by knowing the scriptures and applying them to our lives.
Some issues may be hurtful but easily corrected through communication and forgiveness, while other forms of offense may be very serious and take time to heal because the wounds are deep enough that we bury our pain instead of working through it.
The Church is a collection of humanity with diverse personalities and propensities for good or evil.
Understanding the humanity of the Church while avoiding the propensity to blame the whole Church for the actions of a few will enable you to focus on the incident instead of condemning God and the body of Christ.
Congregations of Spirit led pastors are diligent, having safeguards and protocols in place to protect against offense and abuse.
Staff are required to undergo training that teaches them how to prevent harmful situations from developing and how to create an atmosphere of caution and observation where our children and vulnerable populations are safe.
Keeping our children and vulnerable saints safe is the top priority of the Church. In accomplishing a safe church we also maintain the integrity of our standing in the community enabling us to reach the lost more effectively.
It’s easy to blame God when you are hurt by someone in the Church or an authority such as a Pastor or other entity of ministry that you trusted and had great respect for.
The person in authority has violated their God given position of authority and trust. You trusted them as a spiritual advisor and shepherd of your soul and they used that trust for their own selfish gain.
They have failed God. You feel victimized and unable to trust the institution they represent.
But you must understand that God did not violate your trust!
They, as a sinful human being, selfishly used the gift and calling of God to take advantage of you. Their action was not condoned or sanctioned by our Heavenly Father!
That fact cannot be dis-annulled. God is no respecter of persons and will not allow such actions to go undealt with. He will implement justice through his authority, but vengeance and retribution are not ours to implement.
“ How long will ye judge unjustly, and accept the persons of the wicked? Selah.
Defend the poor and fatherless: do justice to the afflicted and needy.
Deliver the poor and needy: rid them out of the hand of the wicked.” (Psalm 82:2-4 KJV)
We have a mandate from our Heavenly Father to protect and deliver the weak and oppressed from the wicked.
Every Church should have procedures in place to deal with abuse in the Church when it violates moral, legal, and ethical boundaries.
In the event that something does happen, tell someone who is in authority! There are protocols to cover every contingency while protecting victims of abuse.
When abuse occurs within a church, leaders should act quickly to respond and report the crime to civil authorities. They should also remove the alleged abuser from ministerial duties while the investigation is ongoing. Some other protocols include:
If someone tells you about being abused, it can be hard to know what to say and do to help.
Try to be sensitive to the fact that the victim may feel ashamed about the situation, and keep in mind that it took this person great strength and courage to share this with you.
Be concerned for the victim’s safety: Express your concern for the person’s well-being. Refer resources to ensure victims are safe.
Believe them: Don’t discredit or deny a victim’s story or allegations. Your reaction could impact the decision to tell others about the abuse.
Don’t tell them what to do: Victims of abuse have already had so much of their power taken away. It’s important you give them some of that power back by encouraging them to make their own decisions.
Don’t confront the abuser: This will probably put the victim in more danger. On that same note, keep what the victim tells you confidential.
Respect choices: It is up to individuals to make choices about their lives. Try to help the victim decide what to do and support that decision, even if you don’t agree.
Tell them it’s not their fault: Many victims feel they are at fault for what is happening to them. Avoid making statements or asking questions that might contribute to blaming the victim.https://www.tmcaz.com/blogs/newsroom/health-news/7-ways-to-help-a-victim-of-abuse
The Church is a haven where the innocent should be protected.
Though the Bible teaches forgiveness, healing and restoration, it also exacts justice for the abused and oppressed.
Jesus, who was God manifest in the flesh, laid down his life so that broken, sinful, humanity could find their way back to him.
Judas betrayed Jesus and sold him for the price of a slave but when he came with the kiss of betrayal, Jesus called him friend. Jesus was reaching with hope for repentance and restoration of Judas until there was no recourse.
God is just and will not let the wicked go unpunished. We have all experienced the consequences of our actions. We don’t get a “Get out of jail” card because we repent. Our actions still have consequences.
The motive is to help us understand how to navigate through a wounded spirit with Biblical principles and be stronger on the other side.
- The only power the offender holds over us is our unforgiveness! We are the ones held with chains of vengeance, bitterness, and hatred when we hold on to the pain of offense.
2. We will never experience healing and restoration until we can trust in God to bring us into reconciliation according to his principles.
Driving you from the Church full of anger, pain, and suffering is the devil’s perfect plan. He becomes successful at cutting you off from the very source of your deep spiritual and emotional healing.
3. Recognizing the source of offense is the first step followed by the willingness to allow God to help you see clearly and receive healing through the love and support of your Church family.
4. If you’ve experience abuse, the leadership of the church may refer you to qualified counselors who can help you work through the healing process.
5. Emotional and spiritual support through prayer, compassion, and understanding are attributes of a loving, spirit filled body of believers. We need each other!
Don’t blame God for your situation, but realize a fallible human, with a sinful heart, acted on his own behalf to cause your pain.
Jesus Christ himself was abused and rejected by those he came to serve. He understands the depth of your pain and wants to bring complete healing and restoration, giving you the ability to live victoriously over your experience.
Don’t allow the wounds you received from abuses or offenses within the church, drive you from the very source of healing and restoration only the body of Christ and anointing of his Spirit provides.
The world cannot give you answers that reach into eternity with your Heavenly Father.
They will offer humanistic answers and explanations. They don’t have the ability to reach into the depth of our human spirit and heal the hurt from its source.
Only our Creator, who knows every thought and motivation of our hearts can open our understanding to receive the help we need.
Who better to help us than a loving God who knows our thoughts before we think them?
Jesus, I’m asking you to reach into the heart of this life right now. Lord, you know what they’ve experienced.
You know how to lead them to compassionate and spirit filled people and resources to overcome their wounded spirit.
Only you have the ability to heal the soul. I pray that you would touch my brother or sister right now and work healing and a victorious testimony into their lives.
Let them find guidance and comfort as they read the Bible and gain the ability to forgive those who have hurt them.
In Jesus name, Amen.